also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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