either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
