it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
