This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
