C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
