I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
