I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
