I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
