gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
