So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
