i think my tv is drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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