so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
