Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
