When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
