We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
