So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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