His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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