I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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