woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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