Do you still have your period?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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