did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
