remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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