I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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