If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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