Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
