Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
