theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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