I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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