I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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