she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My pussy is not your playground.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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