i don't like sucking hair
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
