I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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