i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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