I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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