i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize