I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
