I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
