ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
