I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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