their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
