What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
