where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
