Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
