I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
