i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
