Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
