dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
