Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
