i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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