i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
