I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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