Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
