Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
