my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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