I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
is that a dick in a sweater?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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