So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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