dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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