I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
