Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
