im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
