So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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