Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
