dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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