the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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