Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
