i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
