I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
