Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
