Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
