Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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