i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
