I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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