you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize